* the love nest of him and her *

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

do you believe, kalau niat kita baik, ikhlas dan murni, betul betul pure, and you have been good,Allah akan buka jalan, no matter how?....aaa,menyingkap misteri ramadhan katanya..hihihi..so last sunday punye tazkirah ramadhan, ustad dawi cakap pasal zakat fitrah..katanya, selagi tak bayar zakat fitrah, selagi tu puasa pahala kite, tergantung antara langit dan bumi..so jgn tunggu sampai last day ramadhan baru nak bayar zakat..then in my heart, terfikir, has my dad bayar our zakat?..at the same time ustad dawi cakap"aa scholar pun baru masuk, yg dah besar besar ni, belajar belajar lah bayar zakat sendiri, tak usah susahkan ibu bapa, zakat hanya 4.50 di kariah utp..makanan sehari pun lagi mahal dr tu..yg perempuan kalau tamau bayar zakat, cepat cepat la kawen"..pastu i was like, eh girls leh bayar zakat sendiri ke?i thot mcm dependent kat ayah kan..so right at dat moment, i'm determined to bayarkan zakat for my whole family and hope dat my dad havent paid them yet...i've always love doing something for my parents...

Back in my school years in a boarding school, we have to wear a court shoes to school, feminity lah konon..so i had this one sembonia shoe to wear, and i wore it sampai bertahun, dah koyak koyak, still, aku staple kan join die yg koyak tu..to me it was no big deal,sbb tuk pakai gi sekolah je pun, beli cantik cantik buat ape karang aku gune tuk berlari ke dining hall jugak kan.. baik bagi duit tu tuk aku shopping foods,back then scarcity sgt foodskat stf(still are,hihi)..till my father came to visit, it was a weekday, sbb die ade meeting di JB..so he met me in my school uniform, he saw my stapled shoes, and tanye,"eh dah koyak, d u want a new one"..i declined the offer...he came again a few weeks later, after a meeting, asked me again the question..i still declined..and i went up to my dorm, i saw him wiped his tears waiting at the side of the volvo..i didn't know why, it's either die kesian tgk kasut aku koyak rabak, or maybe he was touched i didn't want anything from him and i just made do of whatever i have, hence die terigt mase die kecik kecik dulu..he was very poor back then, die kene jual kuih, and dapur rumah die masih tanah and his school's short was made from sack... when i was small, everytime i wanted something, mase tu, cam grand gile LUNA color pencil. he would remind me he only had a pencil from std1-6,when the pencil became short ,up to a point u can't grip it anymore, die sambung dgn cover pen..sedih kan?he always remind us to study hard, and die takde harta nak pass down to us so dat we will live in wealth after he is gone..so raising us being educated person is the only 'harta' he will pass down to us..

his mother, my grandmother,always tell me his story, that they were very poor, and my dad has always been very ambitious, when he got 1st in class, he would come running looking for my grandmother in the dusun, and said"nanti dah besar,zul buatkan mak rumah batu"..and now, he did, he made a big white bungalow for my grandmother..but too bad, after few years, my grandmother became very ill to live in the big bungalow alone..so in a nutshell, i was raised to not to live in wealth, and independent, and whatever i want, i must work for it..and i have always wanted to serve my parents, can't wait to work so, i can give them some money, although setakat celah gigi je comparing to what they are earning..rase nak buat kan them a big bungalow, although i might end up a bungalow that is sized to my bedroom je..nak give them good cars, although they can buy a better car than i might afford to offer them..tp, dat's the idea kan?to balas jasa...bile dah besar ni, aku seboleh boleh nak serve my parents..i remember, this one day, my dad wanted a chicken burger,we were at Medan Gopeng..tp siang siang buta mane la nak carik..the car key was with him...so tamo bagi die tau aku nak beriye gi carik chic burger for him sbb of cos die cakap, "aa takyah lah".. i walked around to carik jugak chic burger tu, which was like 500 - 700m away..he said apsal lame sgt, i cakap ramai org..hihi..moralnye disini, aku mmg sanggup buat ape saje for my parents and my sisters..this semester, i promised my mother i want to pay the road tax...my mother kate ade duit ke, i cakap ade..tp duitnye will come from aku berikat perut la kan, makan megi je...sbb, my PDAphone buat hal balek, i did not ask my father to reoair it for me, alhtough he did offer, i said it was nothing and minor, i can pay it on my own..but truth is, it was HUGE amt of money..so, baruuu je monday tu, credit card aku dah abes bayar, because of that stupid PDAphone ..but then again, it was fine and i am willingly glad to do pay the road tax, sbb dapat kurangkan burden...

so anyway, balek pade cerita berzakat dan kebesaran ALlah tadi.ape motion nye?aa d u believe kalau niat kite ikhlas dan murni, and u have been good,Allah akan bukakkan kan jalan kan?..so during this Ramadhan, i took the opportunity of the devils being locked up, to be as angelic as i can..because there's nothing can influence me now, and i dictate my own personal being..alhamdulillah, i went to the masjid almost everyday for almost every prayers, and try to be as baik hati yang mungkin,preserve my aurat as preserve as i can, talk and think as nice as i can..all in as sebaik muslim as possible..and i'm liking it..hidup semakin tenang and serene..and i hope, by being as i am trying now, after Ramadhan, i'll keep on being this way..i dread to make any sin, because as a girl, my parents are responsible to all sins i make..dah la my siblings are all girls, if we get married, all our prayers for my parents, terhalang oleh our husbands, x pegi directly..so mase tgh bujang ni is the chance i can pray for them, and kalau ade dosa, doa tu tergantung di langit saja..:(..and god forbid, if they are not here anymore, i don't want, because of me, my parents will be punish dgn azab kubur yg maha pedih..sob sob..i learned that, even if they are dead, and i'm still alive and still making sins sebesar zarah pun..they will kena also..tidakk~~~

so bile aku dapat tau, girls pun leh bayar zakat sendiri, i trus call up my dad, cakap this year i nak bayarkan zakat for the whole family..it was 4.50 per person, ape lah sgt kan, duit tu untuk ke jalan Allah jugak...tgk wayang, shopping and et.c lebih dr 4.50 boleh pulak kan? my dad puzzled, he was like "heh, betul ke?".he refused the offer, but i insisted, he said dat, cam inmorale sket lah, aku belajar lagi, he's earning takkan aku nak bayarkan.. kalau nak, aku bayar sorang je lah..aku agreed..but still tak puas hati, i wanted so bad to serve em..so i told him i want to pay for my sisters as well..so he will only pay for my mother and him je..he reluctantly agreed..so the next day, monday, when i'm about to drive to the atm, nak mek duit bayar zakat kan..my mom called, i told her i nak bayar zakat for the sisters, my mom cakap"alahai, susah susah je, biarlah ayah pay for u, afterall ur elaun money, is from ayah jugakkan"..hihi, yela skoler aku tak masuk lagi, so, duit die la kan..i was like, a lil down, sbb tak dapt nak use my own earning to pay d zakat kan..suddenly!right after i hung up d phone,dapat msg from student support services to collect cheque, elaun my contribution mase convo tu..

aaa, alhamdulillah!!!see, tu satu proove yang Allah akan bukak jalan for anything we do kalau ikhlas and jadi baik..i was so happy ...and trus call my mother cakap i'm gonna pay the zakat from my own earnings..hihi so, tak jadilah bayar monday tu, sbb nak menghalalkan cheque tu dulu...

and today, i went again to the atm, and the cheque dah clear, so i withdrew some money, to bayar zakat..and then, tgk my balance, memandangkan aku sonok dapt cheque, aku asyek soping saakan la kat pasar ramadhan kan..hihi..pastu dah terperasan, alamk terlari budget sket, nak bayar road tax nanti...tp, tak kire nak bayar jugak zakat..so dah withdrew, pegila masjid for kuliah zohor and solat zohor kan, kirenye lepas semayang trus jumpe amil nak bayar zakat lah,..then abes je semayang, check hp tgk ade msg..dr student support services jugak, suruh dtg ofis collect elaun lagi, this time for dinner petronas yang i wrote an entry bout it tu...aaaa, alhadulillah lagi..rase terharu sgt..Allah dengar hati aku, well HE always do..tp rase sgt tak larat, when HE vividly shows how much HE loves me..sob sob...both of the allowances i didn't expect it..coz i just wanted the certificates to penuhkan my clear folder..haih, maseh lagi terharu dgn kebesaran dan kasih sayang Allah s.w.t...so dgn gembira dan excited nye aku bayar zakat for my sisters and I..

when i uttered "inilah wang bagi menggantikan beras fitrah yang wajib atas saya dan tanggungan saya tahun ini kerana Allah" i felt this chill down my spince, and hidung aku yg selalu tersumbat and my lung dat can except too much air, trus rase ease to breathe..hihihi..the feeling is undescribeable...one, i felt great, i have contributed a lil for my parents,although just tiny miny compared to what they have done and can afford..two, i have contributed to my fellow brothers and sisters to have a better aidilfitri, and hope wit lil money i gave, their aidilfitri would be more meaningful, and last and foremost, i felt soooooo greattt, that this time i have contributed a lil that i have ke jalan Allah yang diredhai...alhamdulillah... and with hope, segala dosa my sisters and i, akan diampunkanNya..aminn

"Ambillah sebahagian daripada harta mereka menjadi sedekah (zakat) supaya dengannya (zakat itu) engkau membersihkan mereka (dari dosa) dan mensucikan mereka (dari akhlak yang buruk), dan doakanlah untuk mereka kerana sesungguhnya doamu itu menjadi ketenteraman bagi mereka. Dan (ingatlah) Allah Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui."
(Al-Taubah -9:103)

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Firash winks
at |4:39 PM|